Me

Okie dokie. Well now let me see....got some stuff going on physically. Really weird stuff. A bout of double vision, once but it sure was a dilly of one! Some numbness and stuff. Doc sent me for an MRI on my brain....got one!...and cervical and lumbar. No word yet. She also sent me for ultrasound on heart and carotid. They were normal but some weird stuff showed up on my thyroid so I have to go for an ultrasound on it tomorrow. I'm more worried about the MRI. If I don't have another ruptured disk I will be surprised.


First time doing this without mom being in the waiting room. But she was there. Will let you all know when I do. 




Am working on new blog. Had some requests for some Teen sites so if you guys know any good ones email me please. I am still working on it. I also have more kids sites up too. I have turned off comments because of junk so email me and I can respond much better. If anyone wants another specific catagory please let me know. I am trying to have more but it is impossible to have one for all those links. After the kids I will add the games. You can still go to the old one.


I know I went through the medical stuff pretty fast there but no use getting into it better until I have all the facts before me. I just don't want more surgery. That would be very bad indeed.


Back soon. 


OH! YEA! I SAW STAR WARS IN 3D! IT WAS AWESOME!! And for those who know what the heck I am talking about...yes, I bought the pin!

Update

The Link Archive is moving! Yep, it just ain't working out. It is crazy over there. So I am slowly going to move links HERE. It will take a long time cause I will be putting them in the right order. leaving enough room to add on links without taking them out of order.

I will be working a lot on there so just bookmark it. I will do one post at a time. Working on Holiday Sites now since it is last.  Yes, it does seem like a lot of work for nothing really. Well, it's for me, my family and you guys. I have a lot of friends around here who use it and it takes my mind off the real stuff I have to do.

You can still use the old site. I only moved the holiday Post. Working on Halloween and then Christmas. Then I will move the Star Wars links over, etc. Click on Halloween in the old and it will take you to the new. So have fun, I will have fun and will update this site soon. Thanks everyone.

And to a few here, I am getting the sites you sent up as soon as I can! I gotta go through them. Hang tight. Geesh!

The Beginning?

Well hello there! Remember me? Yep, it's been awhile. As you know, a lot has happened in the past three plus years. My world got torn apart like a tornado with a hurricane caught in the middle. I lost my uncle, my mom, my cats, my home and my aunt who is still alive but not herself any longer. Wow. Am I still sane? The jury is still out on that one.

I am gonna try to start back on this here land of blogs. I miss my online family. Even though I hardly talk I have felt every single one of you and I gotta tell ya. Felt pretty darn good. So, where to begin... 

Well, right here I guess. This is where I ended up. The journey was long and difficult but I made it through. Bruised, bloodied, emotionally drained. but I live. I live in another county in an apartment with my aunt and a toy poodle with...issues. I will discuss him later.

I am going to try this. I can't promise anything like how often I'll post or what it will be like. But I can promise it will be...different. A little real life (mine) with some fun thrown in. I have a lot to cover when it comes to my life and the past three plus years. I can't do it all at once. So, it will be in installments. 

Now however, I would like to introduce you to some fun things I am doing. Website hunting. It is such fun. The deeper I dig, the cooler it gets. 


Today, I would like you to turn to page 22, 1966 Batmobile. I will be putting together a model of that...when I buy it of course. I did it when I was young but a tornado destroyed it. I. want. it. back. Okie dokie then!


Also for your pleasure, please enjoy these fun things.


Allatok


Between the Seconds


Camouflage Photography


Creative Advertisements


Defying Gravity


How To Dance Properly


I won't be giving you this many all the time. So rest easy. Just something to look at when you take a break from life. We all need a break! So this is it. An installment of my life with some really weird stuff thrown in. Cause I'm crazy like that. Maybe I will get back to Sunday Dinner and some other Down Home stuff.


I just don't feel "Down Home" yet. I feel "escape" suits me better for now.

Hello friends. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season. I did. It was...surreal to say the least. I have gone through so many changes in the past three years. Lost mom, my home, my cats, moved twice (in less than a year) and a bunch of other stuff too. Man am I tired!

Thanksgiving was good. I did...and do..have a lot to be thankful for. We went to my sisters house. It is still strange without mama and my aunt Lorene. No smell of mama's famous meatloaf to wake up to to tell me it's the holidays. 

Christmas was great. We had a live tree again. Only the second one since I was a kid. Instead of cats I live with a toy poodle. My cats. What a horror story that is. I can't go there yet but I couldn't find them homes. No pound but not what I wanted. Especially my Sara. God let her be okay.

Anyway, I am quite the Tom boy. I was the son my dad never had. So he got me into things like comic books, baseball cards and models. The comics I gave to my nephew. Cards I sold and gave away. My aunt Judy whom I live with got me some models for Christmas. I haven't done that in years!

It is really fun. You get to take bits of plastic and make something! And pray it sort of looks like...if you turn your head and squint..like the picture on the box! She got me a 1957 Chevy Bel Air. Forgot how hard putting a car together is. I used to do ships and airplanes. I have a roadster too. I bought be the space shuttle and ordered the Titanic off eBay. I can't wait for that to arrive! But I must finish the Chevy first. It takes a long time. Gluing the pieces, letting them dry, painting, letting it dry....you get it. Been working on it since Christmas and got part of the engine done. I am afraid this will be the practice model. Been awhile. Yep.

I will get another one and do it right. She got me supplies. I bought a tool box and have paint, glue, clamps, files, etc. It is fun.

Anyway, must run. It is late and I'm tired. Will talk again soon!

Looky!

I am working on my Link Archive. I am going through them, deleting broken or changed links, putting them in some small order and adding new stuff. This will take awhile but I am enjoying it.

You will find links to the Game List in sidebar and parts 2, 3, etc. at bottom of list. I have done that to some other lists as well. You'll understand when you check it out. It has cleaned up the sidebar some.

I have lot's to add. New and old, so stay tuned. Also in sidebar you will see something called "Surprise" which I hope you will enjoy. It is some really cool stuff I find. I will add more along the way. As always, it's all a grab bag full of fun. Bookmark the ones you like. I may take some down after awhile. Leave the ones I really like.


If you have sites you want to see, email me. Thanks for the ones you have already sent me. I will have them up as soon as I can. Any websites beginning with "A" will be in the "A" list and so on. And yes, I will eventually get to this blog soon I hope.


Okie dokie. That's it. Happy New Year!


Follow Along!
 

Click Me


Merry Christmas.

God Bless Us All, Everyone.

Little Old Me

I know...I know! Sorry. Yes, I am still kicking. It just seems like everyday something comes up.........

Plus I'm lazy.....

My aunt and I still love the apartment. Although for someone who has live in a house all their life, it can be.....interesting.

For example, I am still getting used to my neighbor making noise.....ABOVE ME! That was weird for awhile. He is an elderly gentlemen so it isn't much. Still, over my head! We have good neighbors. The site manager isn't the greatest. Let me just say that her job is very difficult, I wouldn't want it and she does her best. BUT....

We are all the time getting notes shoved under our door of what we can and cannot do. We will ask her if we can do something, she says sure! and then after we have spent the money she shoves the note saying you can't do that! I now tell her to make sure before she says yes. *Grumble, grumble*

We have inspections. It is the 12th. She will come in 'whether you are here or not' and checks to make sure the stove is clean, dishwasher, under the fridge, bathrooms, light fixtures, sinks, ceiling fans, windows......you get the idea. I am disabled. How the devil am I supposed to clean under the fridge and climb up and take light fixtures down? That woman is crazy!

Sorry, I just had to get that out.

My other aunt that had a stroke is okay. She was in the hospital twice in the month of June and at the ER once with kidney infections. We take it one day at a time.

Well it is 1:32 and although I talked really nice to it the laundry simply refuses to do itself. So I must go and force it to comply. Laundry Rodeo. A new realty show dawns!!

Yes, I'm Alive.

I haven't forgotten you. So much has happened. My aunt and I have moved into an apartment. That is twice I have moved in less then a year. We like it. We are broke but still in the game. My other aunt that had a stroke is in hospital. They had to put in a feeding tube. I have been with her every day and will continue when she goes back to rest home.

I will try my best to write more later. Love to all.

Egypt Is Free

As a lover of history I keep close watch on the news. What has and is happening in Egypt are beyond words. Just now when they announced that for the first time, Egypt is Free. For the first time a group of millions of poor, middle class stood up in a peaceful way and made history happen.


Yes, there was violence. But it was caused by the very government that they were challenging. They were told that the media people were really spies and were sent there by our country and others to stop the revolution. The women were there to seduce the men, etc. For a brief moment, they fell into the trap their government has laid years ago. When they realized it, they were infuriated with the government and also themselves. They apologized with the media and in turn a lot were allowed to join them and report what they saw.

But in all, it has been peaceful. People were hurt on both sides but no war was started. They are there now, cheering, hugging each other, and soon will begin the difficult and long trial of a true free country.

18 days.

Revolution.

Victory.

Remember this day.

Update

Hello friends. I am sorry it's been so long. Things have been a little...little?..crazy here.

First, Thanksgiving went well. Some of the family were sick and couldn't make it to our dinner my aunt and I...or I should say my aunt cooked. We have a deal. She does the cooking, I do the cleaning. Thank goodness she is an excellent cook! But we still had a good time. We spent the rest of the day with my aunt in the rest home.

I got sick the day after. My body always shuts down after a holiday because I am so active.

Christmas was great. Everyone came and we had a white Christmas for the first time in my life! It was awesome. We had a live tree. My first since I was little. Spent some time with my aunt at rest home. Couldn't stay as long as we wanted because roads were getting bad. It is so rare here that it got 24 hour coverage on our local news! Cool, huh!

My aunt is getting worse. She sobs a lot not. She thinks she has children, babies, and they die a lot. We can't convince her it isn't real. She hallucinates a lot now. The people she sees are as real to her as I am. She will stop talking to me to talk to...someone. She has very real and complex conversations with them. The problem is, it shouldn't be happening. Her son lives in Charlotte so since I go almost everyday, he has given me permission to talk with social worker, doctor, etc. and I try to get things done.

I went to my first Family meeting the other day with her son and the Social Worker. I know how she is better than anyone since I saw here almost every day when mom was sick and now since the stroke. The Social worker said that usually people in her condition, their minds are gone. But hers isn't. She knows everyone that walks into the room, who their children are, etc. Her mind is clear on those things. Her mind is clear on a lot of things that it shouldn't be in her condition. So this problem doesn't have a pattern or a reason. It comes out of left field. And it is getting worse.

They gave her a higher dosage on her nerve pill but it hasn't helped. So I go early tomorrow to see her doctor and social worker. I would rather they knock her out for a couple of hours than watch her sob...and I mean sob!.. for her dead children. She will tell me the police came in and filed a report because one was killed. She can give me a detailed version of this unreal conversation. She is living in a nightmare. She is being mentally tortured.

She sees people that aren't there. She can tell you what they are wearing. There is a man (in her mind) that stands outside her door every day. She believes he is a guard. She can tell me what he is wearing and it changes every day. She can't understand why we can't see him. Sometimes we agree with her, sometimes we don't. Either one upsets her. they are so real and so detailed! The other day she was talking to me and she stopped. She asked what was the "guard" doing? I said I didn't know. She said he just turned around with his back to her. I said maybe he is reading something hung up on the wall and she said he couldn't be. His face was too close to the wall to see anything. He had one hand in his pocket and the other by his side. That detailed!

I got there today and she was crying. They wouldn't let her go to the kids funeral. I sat with her a long time until she calmed down. I left her talking to "someone" in the room. Even the pictures on her wall are coming to life.

Something has to change or she is going to have another stroke or heart attack. I just want her to have peace.

Anyway, that is my world for the moment. i will try to update soon. God Bless and Have a great New Year!

Update

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Sorry...again...that it has been so long. I just don't have a lot of time anymore. I am not complaining, I enjoy visiting my aunt almost everyday. She needs me and it feels good to be needed. It makes me feel a little awkward at times. A week or so ago we had a family gathering at the rest home. With her son, grandkids, etc., I was the one she kept asking for. She was sitting up in a wheel chair for a long time. She has headaches and neck pain constantly so I give her neck massages.

I am not going today. I fell and am sore so am taking today off. I feel guilty. She will be slightly more confused today and I will probably hear about it tomorrow, LOL.

I have said this before but I am trying to get back to recipes and the things I love. It will be after Christmas. Probably around the first of the year.

I am trying to sell some things. I have thousands of baseball cards. Most aren't worth much but if anyone out there wants some, or can offer advice on how to make the most money, please let me know. Money is a very big issue now. I need all the pennies I can get.

I have an I Love Lucy paper doll book. It is in very good condition. A page or two has some holes but not too close to the doll or clothes. I looked it up and it is selling for $100-200. If interested, I will take photos and will sell or fair price.

Yes, I am using this as a store. I am beggi....selling whatever I can for what I can.

Let me know. I have other things too. If no one answers, I will not bother you with anything I have to sell. I will just bore you with other stuff.

Later 'Gater

Whoa! Steady...Steady....

Don't anyone panic. It's me again. The sky is still blue, no aliens have landed, it's really me...wait (pinches self...OUCH!) Yep, me.

As I said before...look up at last post.....I try to keep things to myself because I live with another computer lover and I don't want her to stumble onto this and be upset. She probably wouldn't but some people would. I think you know what I mean.

Anyway, this is my outlet. But there are things I need to let out that I am afraid to do here. My family has been through so much. I need something more. I don't really deserve to ask because I all but abandoned you guys for almost two years. A lot of you have been and still is going through very hard times. Perhaps worse than mine. But I am here...on bended knee, asking for a heart to lean on.

I need to talk about some things that are personal. I need someone who I can email privately to get these things out before I explode. I can't afford therapy and boy do I need it. Asking this is a big thing. Nothing people would want to line up for. Hearing other people's problems. What a bummer. I have always been more than ready (and still am!!) to be someone's heart to lean on. Now I need one too.

If by chance I get more than one offer, I will pick one or more. I hate choosing. But perhaps more than one will help me see more sides. I am desperate. I am afraid and alone because these things I just can't talk about to people I see.

So if you are willing...boy are you in for it..and perhaps a little strange. I will be forever in your debt. Remember, I am here for you all. Just email and say help. That will get my attention. My aunt is on the way home so I will close. What I need is an email buddy I can talk to that is private and I don't have to worry about it falling into the wrong hands. The problems are bigger than me and building and I need to let it out or go on Prozac. Prozac is expensive. Help me.

Thanks friends

BOO!!

I know! Another entry so soon? Well my last comment got me. (raising hand...raising other hand) I promise to try really really hard to not go AWOL for so long. So help me Bob. Sorry, I watched the cartoon Rugrats the other day......don't...ask.

Anyway, it is 11:09 A.M. and I am still in my PJs trying to decide whether to go see my aunt today. I missed yesterday cause she had a dental appointment. She or they lost her upper denture. We think she took them out and it just got swept away in the trash. They were going to go dumpster diving but the trash pickup had already picked up. She was moved to a bigger room so I believe it was her.

My aunt would never be seen without her teeth. No way, no how. Now she takes them out and lays them on the bed, etc. Wow. That is what the stroke has done. It has taken away her dignity. She still has it some but the brain damage is stronger than her good brain.

That is what hurt me with mom. She lost her dignity. Couldn't go to the bathroom anymore. Went to a bedside potty to a brief. Now her sister is in a brief.

I have decided not to talk about the aunt I am living with anymore except a brief note here and there. She does not know about this journal and I respect her too much to discuss her without permission. I am not ashamed of this journal, it's just my personal outlet to help me cope with things with the help of the best friends....family anyone can have. I still miss AOL J-Land. I will try to get around to your journals soon. I do read a few occasionally. I just don;t have a lot of time anymore.

Anyway, As I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself, I want to see her but it has been raining and my bones are aching. I may go later this afternoon. I hardly go later in the day. That may be a good thing to do just to see how she is then. They are usually mentally worse in the evenings. They call them sun downers.

Well, I just remembered something. Writing about it will, I hope, make me remember. I should have down it sooner. The news gives he day/nightmares. I have a note under the TV to leave it on The Life Time Movie channel (they show clean movies and she likes movies) or the Hallmark channel. This month they are showing horror movies on Lifetime. Not good! So I need to print out new note for visitors, which means I should go see her sooner.

Okay, off I go!

October

Happy Halloween every one! I have been busy. As you know I am living with my aunt. We are living at my other aunts house. They are sisters who lived together. My oldest aunt had the massive stroke. I go see her about every day. She is only about fiv or so miles away. It's amazing. She knows everyone who walks through that door, you can ask her about a church member who is alive or has been dead awhile and she can tell you the names of their spouse, children, etc. But she can't remember who is dead in the family.

My aunt that I live with have a few things in common. She was born late in life like me. She grew up with her nieces and nephews. I am 45 and she will be 60 in January. My eldest aunt (I am leaving out names out of respect) is more like a mom to my aunt/roommate instead of a sister. She dies a lot. The stroke has done horrible things to her mind. She is obsessed with fire for some reason. She sees my aunt (this is confusing, so J. is the one I live with & R. is the one with the stroke) she sees J dying in the fire sometimes. She smells the smoke, feels the flames, hears the screams....well you get the picture. She sees her fall and lays in the floor hurt, all kinds of things. They increased her anti-depressant. It will take awhile to kick in good.

She forgets her husband, mom & dad are dead. The on;y one that has managed to stay dead is my mom. I think it's because they were so close and R. helped with mom so much. J. worked so she would come when she could. R. is retired. I didn't realize just how close they were until now. She cries for her. Sometimes I seem to be the one that can calm her and get her to eat. I think again, it's because of the connection we had with mom and it was so recent.

I go almost every day. We have a routine. I am hands on. I come in, sit on or beside her bed, hold her hand, massage her neck and arms with lotion and things. I try to remind her that the things she sees are nightmares. I bring her something every day. I am slowly changing out her summer clothes for winter. She stays cold. I bring her a pretty picture I cut out of a magazine or an old calendar and tape it to the wall. I put together a photo album of all her get well cards and drawings from grandkids. I sit and look at it with her.

Anyway, that is my routine for now. It makes me feel useful. I will be in touch. Gee, I miss you guys. Soon, friends. I pray soon.

Still Kicking

Fall is here again. I always am a little sad when it comes. Don't get me wrong, there is much beauty in all four seasons. The holidays, the beautiful colors God painted for us. But I am a "warm" person. Never liked the cold. Spring and summer are my favorites. I don't hurt as bad and I have more energy. But at least I am not alone.

Last year was the worst winter we have had in a long time. Record breaking cold and we had several snow storms. In my little neck of the country, if we see a single snowflake we all run out and ask, what the heck is that? Okay, maybe it's not like that but we really do have mild winter's compared to most.

This year I have heat. We have central air and heat. A big difference from gas and kerosene heat. It will take my body awhile to get used to. But I know I won't freeze. Last winter was scary.

Not much to report. Just been chugging along. Trying to fit in to a new life. I still have bouts of depression. Discovered some things about my family's past that is upsetting. I won't get into that. But it explains some things. Anyway, some cool stuff...my aunt and I have been researching our family history. On mom's side we are related to William Shakespeare, Abraham Lincoln, Arron Burr, and some more I can't think of at the moment. Cool huh!

Well, I have a cold and it has hit me big time so am going to go stick a hair dryer up my nose and see if it will help me breathe better. Be back soon.