October

Happy Halloween every one! I have been busy. As you know I am living with my aunt. We are living at my other aunts house. They are sisters who lived together. My oldest aunt had the massive stroke. I go see her about every day. She is only about fiv or so miles away. It's amazing. She knows everyone who walks through that door, you can ask her about a church member who is alive or has been dead awhile and she can tell you the names of their spouse, children, etc. But she can't remember who is dead in the family.

My aunt that I live with have a few things in common. She was born late in life like me. She grew up with her nieces and nephews. I am 45 and she will be 60 in January. My eldest aunt (I am leaving out names out of respect) is more like a mom to my aunt/roommate instead of a sister. She dies a lot. The stroke has done horrible things to her mind. She is obsessed with fire for some reason. She sees my aunt (this is confusing, so J. is the one I live with & R. is the one with the stroke) she sees J dying in the fire sometimes. She smells the smoke, feels the flames, hears the screams....well you get the picture. She sees her fall and lays in the floor hurt, all kinds of things. They increased her anti-depressant. It will take awhile to kick in good.

She forgets her husband, mom & dad are dead. The on;y one that has managed to stay dead is my mom. I think it's because they were so close and R. helped with mom so much. J. worked so she would come when she could. R. is retired. I didn't realize just how close they were until now. She cries for her. Sometimes I seem to be the one that can calm her and get her to eat. I think again, it's because of the connection we had with mom and it was so recent.

I go almost every day. We have a routine. I am hands on. I come in, sit on or beside her bed, hold her hand, massage her neck and arms with lotion and things. I try to remind her that the things she sees are nightmares. I bring her something every day. I am slowly changing out her summer clothes for winter. She stays cold. I bring her a pretty picture I cut out of a magazine or an old calendar and tape it to the wall. I put together a photo album of all her get well cards and drawings from grandkids. I sit and look at it with her.

Anyway, that is my routine for now. It makes me feel useful. I will be in touch. Gee, I miss you guys. Soon, friends. I pray soon.